The "Works" Of Life

    It's 5:16am and I can't go back to sleep. I've been up since before 4am and of course my mind has been wandering about a lot of things such as the odd dream I just had, God and His wonderful ways of life, what I want to do with my life, and then I started asking Him what He wants me to do with my life since I haven't had a job since November. All these jobless months have made me think too much about what I want to do and what path I should take that I can't seem to stick to just one thing. Then of course I start thinking about my past jobs and this one person comes to mind who traumatized a lot of my career path. 

     My mind then drifted to that sick disease we call Cancer, because I found out recently that two people I know have it and it makes me wonder what on earth causes this awful thing to start in the first place...Then that made me think back to that horrific person I once knew and I thought, "that crazy manager of mine was like a Cancer battle for me." I can't say what Cancer feels like and I'm sure one can't compare it to anything else, but with the things I went through and the steps of a Cancer battle, I would have to say this person was like my Cancer and I'm in remission. It's a nasty thing to say, but it's not so nasty when you actually know the person I'm referring to and some will know who I am talking about, but I will not be cold enough to mention her name on here. The fact that I can think of this person from many, many moons ago, and just the thought still makes me cringe, gets my blood boiling, and makes me want to cry all at the same time proves she's the worst person I've ever known and I don't have hate for anyone. Why dwell on it still? Well for starters, I think because I've regretted so many times not standing up for myself when I should've, especially when she took my laptop and went through my email and forwarded herself an email someone else sent me, without my permission (YES, THAT REALLY HAPPENED), but she somehow made me feel so small and so unworthy that I couldn't bring myself to stand up to her. I guess because I felt like she'd shun me if I ever did. Another reason I still dwell on it is that she affected the way I worked at the next job I took and I wish I could change that. I literally had to make a list and report EVERY little detail that I did at work at the end of EVERY day and call her or email her EVERY morning as soon as I got into work and EVERY evening before I left, that when I finally got a new job it felt strange if I didn't run something by my new manager, because I was so use to being micromanaged at the previous job. I knew it wasn't right, but it was pretty much all I was use to in a work place. However, my new manager just wanted me to do what I thought was best and just own it like any normal manager would want. It's like being in a bad relationship for so long. You don't like it, but you get so use to it that change would feel weird even if it is for the best. I mean who really wants to deal with anxiety, paranoia, and fear of being fired just about every single day anyway? Why did I stay there for so long, you ask? I actually liked what I did, decent pay and benefits, big company name, and I made close friends there. 

    Sometimes I wish I could tell her what an awful person she was to me to show her the scars she's left me, but what's the point? Perhaps it's unfinished business or maybe it would make my mind at ease by having closure in a sense. She made up so many lies and told me no one wanted me there all because she wanted me gone, but I never understood why. I remember one occasion when I threw a going away party at a bowling alley for a VP I supported, with food & gifts, and I took pictures and passed out awards to teams, and everyone praised me for doing such a great job at hosting the event. It was a great turn out and I just knew the good news would go back to her and she'd be proud of me too...Or so I thought. She came to me the next day and said she heard I didn't pass out the awards and that the party turned out horrible. I couldn't believe it! It always seemed like stories would always get switched up at that place or she'd try to come up with a story of her own to try to catch me in something to get me fired, because it's what she always wanted. Luckily, I had proof with pictures, but she still gave attitude for a bit, but the proof eventually shut her up. Some people that noticed her strange ways, even our own courier, would say she did it out of jealousy but jealous of what? She's 10-15 years older than me so one would think she'd be more mature and not be so childish. I honestly think it had a lot to do with the way she was brought up and her cold culture (no affection, love, etc.) and also a lack of a sex life. She had a man, but always complained about him, so she probably rarely got any which can cause major frustration in women in their 30's. Yes, I just went there. I use to want more people to see how mean she was, since she put on the friendly act to her superiors, but most importantly I want HER to know how cold and cruel she was and hopefully becomes a better person.

     Micromanagers should never be managers and no one should ever be harassed at work and just let it go. Maybe this is why I was awake. Maybe God answered my question of what to do (for now) by telling me to write a brief summary of what I went through at work to let people know it's never okay to be bullied at work. No one should ever feel small at work or have to report every little detail about what they did, unless of course they're on a performance plan, but regardless it's not right and if it's happening to you or someone you know, do as Bob Marley said, "Get up, stand up! Stand up for your rights!" Don't worry about losing your job, because there are plenty more out there and remember, what's meant to be will be. Thanks for reading and God bless.  :)